His Great Love

i haven't been blogging the past couple days.. I really been pouring all of my spare timei into painting. Coming up this space at GATE 403 I suprised myself at the amount of space there is and am doubting how much work I really have.. Soo... that leaves me painting like a mad woman. Which of course means lots of time talking to God as paintings emerge before me. Funny when I paint, I really don't think much about what I am doing, I just paint and talk to God, hours pass and there is a painting infront of me. I am always suprised as a resolution to something or conclusion or just the finishing of a conversation comes to a close, so does the piece.

Last night I found myself working furiously for hours, and found myself painting myself into a very in a very angry place, an incident that happened nearly 4 years ago now. God has been speaking to me about exposure. Bringing light to all the dark areas, pulling the crap out of my closets, cleaning the floors and dusting (see earlier blogs.) So last night here I stand, covered in paint, in my basement angry, yelling at this person who hurt me, pouring my whole heart into saying all the things I want to say, the things I hold back. I am mad at myself for being vulnerable, for allowing myself to be in such a position and How changed i am because of it. I stop.. I realize what I am doing and I sound like a crazy person. Tears streaming down my face can't believe how upset i am... It was so long ago. I had no idea this was so strong inside of me but painting has brought me into this place. It is a place of the unconcious, a place of vulnerability, a place where healing happens. I step back and look at this hurt girl sitting before me, Jesus where were you? He shows me.

I cry at the thought of this.. what an amazing moment. Afraid, last night I think I leave this thought, this place and move onto something else pretty quickly but I return to it today perhaps ready to listen, ready to believe truth... I know that that is Him pursuing me with His love. There is never a moment where He stops pursuing you with His Love. Even when we are afraid, even when we are hurt, have been hurt he was there, you just have to ask him, picture the moment of pain, the room, the place, run it like a movie, and ask Jesus where are you? Look around the room in that space of pain, He will show you and just wait. for me he was sitting on there stairs watching, then walked over and held me, & shielded me. He will show you where He is and reveal His Heart, the truth to you. In all of this i am still sitting, learning but i know Jesus has incredible revelations for us and wants to keep pulling the crap out from under the beds. This is a season of exposure. I think that creates a season of healing. Healing hearts, minds, bodies which really is pretty exciting.

I'm not even sure why I write this. Maybe just to get it out. maybe just to say that there is hope for healing. maybe just a demonstration the power of painting/creating and that God uses everything and has great big plans for each of us and it is His heart to just love us.

ohhh it has been a morning of exhaustion, dr's appt, driving around like busy bees. Little man went down for a nap and as soon as he did I bolted to the kitchen to clean the whole thing top to bottom as it seems a bomb went off in there and the rest of the house for that matter. So for 2 hours I cleaned that kitchen, did the dishes, mopped the floor, cleaned all the bottles and got ready for jacks lunch. Lunch turned into a fight, this little guy seems to resist food every chance he gets the past few days (very unlike him, b/c he is a great eater). Being a grumpy rump I clean up lunch, put him down to the floor b/c he is freaking in his highchair, he takes a big D and is a happy dude all over again. While I continue on my way cleaning up all around I pick up the bowl of spaghetti he barely touched, i slip.... and I see it all in slow motion, the bowl slips out of my finger and flies through the air landing on the floor, and splattering tomato sauce and tiny bits of Baby sized pasta all over my clean kitchen. arrrg!!

busy bee 2011

ahhh seems I am back to myself, pushing full speed ahead, wanting more!! I am already planning 2011. Hunting down art shows, venues, stores, oppertunities!! At the same time i can't but think if I am nuts?? I feel sooo strongly this year to pay it forward. Give back. I want to donate, start fundraisers, be involved! I will be involved so far with 3 auctions to raise money for different causes. And so far I also have booked 1 art festival, 1 solo show, lots of live painting, hopefully some teaching and currently putting together proposals for a couple major shows i'd REALLY like to be accepted into. I don't want to overbook myself and go crazy like i have other years, (in the past I did 26 venues in one year! ugggh so tiring!) But I want to be out there again! I want to be involved and i am motivated. So here I continue booking, organizing, researching, writing lesson plans and whats on my heart. I have a good feeling about this year.. i guess we'll just see.

Solo Show @ Gate 403

I booked this nearly a year ago and I thought it kinda fell through the cracks. But to my surprise it didn't! i will be showing a solo show at Gate 403 (located at 403 Roncesvalles Avenue, Toronto) for the month of December. It is an upper scale piano bar close to High Park. I was pretty excited to have a venue so excited about my work and book me only days after sending them my work. The lady said 'where did you come from!?' this is always nice to hear!! The have requested my Jazz series, seeing as they are a Jazz bar. I am hoping for some good feedback and maybe some sales!
If you are in the area, check it out! My work will be there from December 1 - January 3rd.

What's in a name?

I had a lovely friend Sheri ask what does my new company greenpear creative mean? Hmm i must admit, it is a name that has been in my heart for a while. I never really thought about what it meant. But as I do believe God has purpose for EVERYTHING I started to ask. What does this mean? Instantly I got the words Growth, journey, GOOD fruit. and saw a picture of my grandmothers backyard and the delicious pear trees we soooo enjoy.


Pear - A pear, down to the shape, I see as the shape of a pregnant woman, pregnant with new gifts, maternal, bountiful, birthing new life, new creative ideas.

a pear..


a pregnant woman, see pretty close!

A pear, my favourite fruit, I could eat these all day if I had a chance. The tree, the pear tree is a low hanging tree, easy to access, and to enjoy for everyone and live a very long time!


and of course Ahhh my grandma's pear tree... (again, God giving me object lessons) They are tall, not huge but reap an incredible harvest (with age they will grow and grow and grow!) Every year, we we wait patiently watching these pears grow, and the tree get taller, as everything else came into season, the pear was a bit later but my goodness, it was worth it!! It would grow these delicious, chubby pears, full of flavour, vibrant colour and were used for everything! eaten fresh, made with jams and canning, spread to our family, our friends, The trees would overflow with incredible fruit.

Green is the color of nature . It symbolizes growth, harmony, freshness, and fertility. Green has great healing power. It is the most restful color for the human eye; it can improve vision. Green suggests stability and endurance. Green indicates growth and hope. Green, has strong emotional correspondence with safety and it is the color of free passage in road traffic. (meaning GO! walk boldly!) Olive green is the traditional color of peace.

I want to be a person, and a company i want all f this!! and one that is full, ripe, delicious, and produces an abundance of great fruit. I want to be used for everything, shared with everyone, and used for many different things. I want to create opportunity, community and walk boldly in His calling for me. That doesn't just mean painting. Creative - is to cover all of the basis really, i don't want to be boxed by one word, but use one that expresses all of me and everything I want and desire to do. I want to create without borders with an overflow of fresh, peaceful, good fruit.

greenpear creative... what's in a name... a lot more than we originally see.

the birth of THE GREENPEAR!!

oooo aaaahhh look at me I feel so grown up.

It is official, I am a BUISNESS OWNER! hah i know it is silly b/c all it is is registering a name but still... but it is a new chapter, and that quite exciting for me! I have lots of ideas, lots of things I want to do,
and.. it's just the beginning!

I was writing an email today and my heart kind of splattered out in the email. Things became quite clear. I just wanted to share. i am so excited about what God has been doing in me...

'my heart aches, Passions of my heart that God put there so long ago that i was once excited about have been lying dormant for years, forced to stay quiet are stirring and for the first time in a long time, and I want these things again.

I still feel so strongly to lay it down,it's not my battle. God just tells me to continue to paint for and with Him. No one can steal my worship, or my heart.. It's not about recognition anyway, it's just about Him, and painting His heart for me, for us. 'paint the pictures I show you heather, I have purpose for all of them.' How can I doubt what he wants to do with me, when he tells me something like that? I believe he has purpose, he has big plans, and even if no one knows my name they will see Him and what He is doing, because it's all for His Glory.

I am excited for release. Its not only going to happen in painting but all of the arts, in worship, it's not like anything anyone has seen or even imagined it could be. I am excited for Him to just do so many incredible things and release a freedom and abandonment in worship that we never even knew was possible. Yeaaaah Papa, let heaven come down. '