When having Jack my goal was to gave a drug free birth, I prayed for an easy labour. I have to say though not 'easy, it was manageable and easier than I thought it was going to be. i just kept thinking about leading up to it was all these women they show on tv screaming their way through labour, screaming at their husbands cursing their name and I didn't want that, I wanted it to be a peaceful enviroment, giving it the best chance and most natural way possible on its way out. I began to speak to my body, pray over it, for it to open up, be at rest and work with labour. For God to show the way to the baby on how to get out, to prepare my heart and mind and enter into God's presence during contractions and for the strength to get through it. My pain thresh hold sucks but what I wanted for my kids was stronger than anything you could ever throw at me. Be at rest body and mind, for the Lord He is GOOD! and you know we got it. it was a positive experience, it was filled with his presence and it was doable. Read more here to read about Jack's birth!
I must admit, Jack's labour had been so good that I was afraid this time. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it, I was afraid that it would be terrible, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to manage it. I took practice contractions in false labour as they came and found that I had lost my strength to push through them. I whimpered through painful ones forgot to breathe, to rest, to look to Jesus. I felt like I was giving up before I was even starting. How on earth am I going to get through the real thing again? i thought. I let the enemy plant a seed of fear and it began to grow. Funny how you can let that take over so quickly. I asked God to talk to me to help me and when I recognized it was fear and wrote my last post. Get strong Heather. He has created us to be conquerors! He created my body to do this. I began to rest, began to worship, and read, get back in the head space of labour, and psych myself up for the big psychological game my body and mind would soon be playing with me.
After a couple weeks of labour psyche outs feeling frustrated, because its hard that I had to think of jack each time and making arrangements for him each time my body started into labour runs.. I prayed, father, I'm not convinced by the contractions, something has to really stand out for me to go to the hospital. Have my waterbreak or something so I know when its actually time.. I remember praying the same thing with Jack and I got exactly what I needed to know when it was time. I find that if I Pray specifically when he answers you know for sure that it was Him. There was a bit of stress for me this time round, because when it's just you it doesn't matter when you go into labour, but when you already have a kid/kids you have to plan for them too, and you can't plan when you are going to have a baby so knowing who is around and who is on call and distances of where they are and how long it takes for them to get to you all comes into play. Luke's parents, our closest easiest back ups and they had been away in Sweeden, everyone else from me was at least 20 minutes or more away from me, if this was going to be a fast labour as my midwives predicted, I could be really screwed just on waiting for a sitter so I was feeling stressed. I also wanted it to be a smooth transition for him to, the most natural way that he didn't feel left somewhere or shipped off while mom and dad disappeared.. I prayed for it all to be orchestrated perfectly....
I write this out almost minute for minute b/c it is quite unbelievable. Also some smart guy who designed a labour room with a large digital panel clock directly in front of a birthing bed is a total idiot
Sunday June 3, 2012: The day after the Sinnott's arrived back home from Sweeden I woke up at 5 am, a wicked hard contraction came on OWWW.... S.O.B. - I have to pee. these had been happening frequently in the night and just attributed to a full bladder so I went to pee and back to bed. 5:30, the same thing, went pee, i had relief no issue, 6 , 6:30 all the same thing. I wake up.. 4 contractions. i think big deal. 1/2 hour apart, if this is it I have time. I woke up for the day and started about, I was unusually awake this am as I had been normally taking advantage of weekends where I could sleep. I washed my face and did my hair cute in a messy pony tail, brushed my teeth and thought if this is it, I am putting on waterproof mascara this time! (last time i have huge racoon eyes in all the pics from pushing, sweating all of the above through labour with regular mascara on - LOL) I randomly picked up things to complete my labour bag. With no evidence and not convinced but something in me felt it maybe time i was caught in thought when Luke came upstairs, it was about 7 ish and had just had another contraction, I said to Luke, "I think I might be in labour." he was excited wanting to track contractions, I said to wait, "there's no point in tracking them now, their so far apart, wait till they get closer. " I continued on went downstairs and sat down on the couch. (7:30 ish) POP .... that was weird.. my brain started to run through info I had read a few days earlier, "some women feel a pop, then a gush of water" but there was no water.. ow ow... weird. body is peaceful..then ow ow. what on earth.? i wait to feel for contractions and continue thinking..
15/ish min later i finally speak up..
Me: Luke... I think my water just broke. (i stand up. but nothing.. no gush, no flow, nothing really abnormal)
Luke: are you getting contractions?
Me: yah but they are all over the place
Luke: maybe its nothing then.
Me: well i know what i'm feeling and i'm not going to ignore it, even if it's not right. (why are pregnant women so bitchy? sorry babe!) ow ow. what the heck? I gotta pee. (I go to the bathroom)
Luke: see you just had to pee.
Me: I'm not peeing.... call the midwife right now. (BAAAHAHAH to me this is funny)
8 ish: Luke pages the midwife, she calls back talks to me asks me whats going on, I tell her and add its weird though contractions are very random, and I don't know for sure if it has broken or what but that was weird. Her responce: DO NOT WAIT, GET TO THE HoSPITAL NOW. I tell her that i don't even really have contractions though she repeats it again. now.. i think that's when you listen.
by now it is about 8:15 Luke kicks it into gear, calls the sinnott's who have been home for all of 13 hours, dresses jack, get the bag, loads the car, he is moving at lighting speed. I am gathering things, called my mom to tell her what was going on, not stressing too much but moving, my mind feels unclear, with random contraction here or there, i am still wondering if my water did break (it didn't till the end with jack) but preparing to go to the hospital quickly.. 8:30 ish Jeremy gets there picks up Jack, we wave goodbye he is excited to play with Grandma and Grandpa. We get in the car to drive. i turn on the worship music, and WOAH, STOP. breathe breathe breathe, ok. GO. (where did that come from?!) As we drive the 15 minute car ride to the hospital, i close my eyes and breathe, the ride becomes a blur one contraction after the next, each intense, fast, close to each other a series of breathing luke coaching me, calming me, the worship music surrounding the car, a whirlwind of what doesn't even feel real happening all in one moment. i catch myself in a thought, where did all of these contractions come from? why are they so close? close like the end and it is just the beginning!! fear comes in and i get scared, how bad is this going to be!!??? but as fast as it enters, it gets kicked out, no time to think about it b/c breathe breathe breathe breathe. my body relaxes into it's trained calm state without any thought or effort thank you Jesus. Luke talks me through racing to the hospital, he is calm, he is peaceful, he is encouraging. 8:40 ish we arrive at the hospital, contractions in the parking lot, the hallway, the elevator, the registration lobby, in the 5 minutes that it takes to get upstairs i have already had 5. 8:45 ish I go to my room where the midwife has already checked me in, she says hello, i faintly smile, hand signal a wave and get on my hands and knees on the floor and flop my arms over the bed. contractions over and over and over.
midwife: When you have a break, We need to check you..
me: ok hold on, breathe breathe breath.... ok hold on again breathe breathe breath..... ok wait once more, breathe breathe breath.... oh yah you need to check me, ok go now before another one comes breathe breathe breathe (all of those breathing pauses contractions, seconds apart. I climb up on the bed)
she checks, you are 8 cm the other midwife laughs out loud, she can't believe it. and says, ha! its like you think she's done it before!
me: ok, (i can't even think to care. just breathe breathe breathe (I'm in the Zone baby!)
time goes by in a blur, luke is cheering me one, rubbing my back, encouraging me, talking me through each one, what feels like a few short minutes on my hands and knees i feel i have to push,
the midwife checks me again, my mom walks in which she says is around 9:20 as the midwife is checking me you are 10 cm, when you feel that bearing down again you can push if you like. I don't quite feel the urge yet so I wait for it. 9:30ish This part on time is a bit of a blur but my mom has a picture of me at with baby in belly. The next picture is me with a baby! The midwife charted 7 minutes of pushing and baby was here,quite amazing and very different from the 1.5 hours i did with Jack.. I remember a lot from pushing, though difficult at first again to quite get it, in finding where to push, it was all of a sudden like it was the only time in slow motion. and then I suddenly understood it. The feelings, the effort, the thoughts, the shape of the baby's body and head feeling and the changes in shape of the head, the neck, everything coming down and coming out. I felt aware, in tune, in control of what was happening. God timed it perfectly for me too, he timed the peak moment of the whole experience, with the biggest build up to the prophetic song playing in the background Let it rain by Jesus Culture. "LET IT RAIIIIIN, LET IT RAAIIIIIN, OPEN THE FLOOD GATES OF HEAVEN, LEET IT RAAAAIIIIIIIN, LET IT RAAAAIIN" things happening quickly around me, that same whirlwind as in the car, taking in an overwhelming amount of information in milliseconds, lost in that moment, and pushing through the pain... then it all stops.... just complete peace surrounds me. I hear..
midwife: Heather reach down, come get your baby.
I open my eyes in surprise and look down, reach down and I grab it around it around its chest under the arms as it is coming out and pull my baby onto my chest my baby.... Oh . my . goodness. I think that was the most special moment ever. totally unexpected, totally by surprise, aah-mazing.
seriously. in the hospital for 45 min. i would say count the driving time of when labour really started - an hour of real labour and if you want to get technical under 2 hours from the time my water broke unaware that anything was going on. that is rediculous. hands down, this is how labour should be. every time. period. peaceful, fast, easy. maybe this is how it was really designed, how he planned it, to be a beautiful quiet moment of entry in this world surrounded by His presence and love.
to end this wonderful story, you may all remember that we had no idea the gender of this little one. Something that killed me the entire time I was pregnant, I would have found out but with Luke really wanting it to be a surprise i gave it a go. The 9 months was full of emotional ups and downs, breakdowns, anxiety, acceptance. My goodness, what a horrible ride. But I see looking back it was something that God needed me to do, to talk to me about, to work through some things, expose areas of my heart, deal with judgements, ungodly beliefs, things he wanted to deal with waay down deep in my heart that were planted a long time ago that deeply impacted me and couldn't be fixed without this 9 months of the unknown. Here after such an emotionally dramatic pregnancy obsessed with the wonder of boy or girl, this perfect little genderless being is laying on my chest, I think to check but I stop myself and realize boy or girl, I don't care, I love YOU, I love you, I love you, I love you.
my mom: So what is this little baby? Noone has said yet?
[i snap out of my dreamy state, i just assumed it was a boy, they had been saying HE the whole time through labour 'SPOILER ALERT']
midwife: well sh... You know Daddy, why don't you check out what you have there?
Luke lifts a leg, both of us expecting to see a penis (from my angle I can't see anything but we were totally convinced we would have a boy) it takes him a second and in disbelief and a big smile on his face says "its a girl"
me: A GIRL!!!!??? (I PRETTY MUCH SCREAM)
I look at him, we kiss and we have matching goofy smiles on our faces, A GIRL!
best. surprise. of. my. life.
9:37 am A wonderful, perfect little girl is born into our lives, to bring us and teach us about Joy.
|Makayla: meaning: Who is like God. (kind and compassionate, my little lamb but fierce like a lion)|
Elyse: meaning: God's Promise, Consecrated by God, God is my vow.