|michael steingard photography|
I find myself after 2 years of not touching this blog I just have to write. Some way this thing helps clear my mind and thoughts and help me see clearer.
This evening I find the more I come to realization things are about to change the more hot tears fall from my burning eyes. My son is going off to Jr Kindergarden this week. I know it sounds silly but my feelings of loss and sadness are real. Its like he's going away and its not for a short time or a few days or a special event, it is every day... its forever. Its the end of an era. Its the end of spending everyday with this wonderful little person that I love with all of my heart and is my entire world. Who since he was born I have spent every day with. This is the end of silly days of laughing and tickle wars, pajama days, endless book reading, Sparkling eyes and smiles I could stare at and never tire of. The end of building of endless hot wheel tracks that extendend down the stairs and out the front door, forts and couch jumping competitions. Going outside in the rain and jumping puddles or just feeling it fall softly on our skin. The end of exploration walks and discovering new things everyday together. The end of crafts and painting together, silly songs and making breakfast and lunch together. Its the end of spending every day with my little boy. And yes i know, i still get to see him ever late afternoon and evening and on the weekends, but its not the same... its not the same at all. in my place will be another woman I don't know spending more time with him than I will getting to have all of his laughter and smiles. Watching him grow and learn. I am sad. All the things I will be missing. I wish I hit record to all of the moments, smile and even the tantrums. So I will never forget them. It has suddenly made me see and hear all of the "it goes by fast, enjoy every moment" s' I have ever heard. It has made me regret every selfish moment of wanting time alone or frustration I have had over not knowing what to do or being unable to handle a situation as good as I could have. I instantly have more grace, more compassion and even more love for both my kids. I am savouring. I am remembering and knowing that these little years do go by fast, so love them and enjoy them though difficult, take a minute to savour them. Take them in. Engrave them in your minds and in your hearts because they will never be this little again. See into your children because they notice when you are not present, and when something else is more important than they are. See into who they are, mold them, shape them, invest in them and use every moment.. They are a gift entrusted to you to pour into and love and give and shape and teach. Nothing else is more important.
So this week we step into a new season, a new change. School days. This is going to be a big adjustment for us both but I step into this season really appreciating, and learning to walk in loving the little years, walking in more grace and patience and choosing to no longer waste any minutes and fully taking in all the ones I do have.