ahhhh vacation

Ahhhh vacation. How I love thee. Here is what I get to look forward to next week. Beauuutiful palacial vacation, really spoiled fancy resort. Nothing quite like it. I am looking forward to the warmth of the sun beating down on my skin... Here I come Los Cabo san Lucas.

the famous "elephant rock" (well that's what we call it. You know the movie The count of Monte Cristo? and the greaaaat scenes that take place on this spectacular natural sceneery. Oh yah that's the place. Simply gorgeous.

award winning infinity pools.


beautiful gardens. yah this place is great. It will be our 2nd time there, and it couldn't have come at a better time. We soooo need a vacation. Between full time working, new baby and my husband doing his masters, we are burnt. so we decided time to get burt in a different way and escape this horrible cold and go to Mexico. A wonderful Christmas present from Luke's parents complete with BOTH sets of grandparents and our little 1 year old Jack. It should be a wonderful family vacation full of sun, sand, exploring, laughs, rest, mexican food and margaritas.

be inspired.

After a busy season of being with baby, I am back to work part time and still painting away. I must say I love commissions. I love creating something for someone and really putting in the time that i know they will appriciate. I love to see their face when they see it, eyes light up like wow it's mine! There is importance in the details I think. Taking the time to make something right. There are times of complete expression and explosion but there are also quiet moments where you can spend hours on the smalles details. A current piece I am working on a commission of my famous "woman in the red dress" is all about the layers. I spend hours and hours of washes and layering, combinig colours to create the right softeness but vibrancy and visual drama to a piece. So I guess i am back to process.

God recently brought to my attention some oppertunities. Some teaching! and oppertunities to show, be exposed and feaured! (whaoo, more later on these) but it reminded me that His process for things is so that we will be ready and prepared and really understand the details he has really painted into my life. Customizing them for me, the details that I will really appriciate. If it were up to us our timing woul dbe all off and probably quite the disaster. This reminder that he is still taking care of things, knows my heart and that I am not forgotten got me inspired again.

Inspiration... well there are some people that have really inspired me and becuase of them I am launching 'the Hope project' this year, and I hope a second 'the love project' (if not this year, the love project will be next year). I want to raise money for some awesome causes/ministries becuase I really believe in what they do. I will be looking for artists and people to help out to make it happen. Art for the Heart will be joining in to put together an art show to sell works to raise money, if you are interested send me a message! It is still in the beginning stages but I am gathering a team, but I am starting from scratch, I need people and to find a space, there's lots to do but I am inspired, I am modivated and so excited to see it all come together.

How good is His process. From layers of paint, to layers of my heart. Yeaah Papa, so excited to see what more is to come.

look at that face!

Haaaapppy Birthday Little man! Today we had his Birthday Party with some friends and grandparents. it was so cute to watch him walk around where ever he went with helium balloons in hand and little its my birthday crown. ITS YOUR DAY BUDDY! So the 1st "smash the cake" didn't go so well... the one on one in front of studio lights where we thought he would curiously explore, but instead cried :( yet still got some great shots. but Today, this was a hit! My homemade, sugar free, baby cake, with real cream cheese icing.. HE LOVED IT! not sure at first, he took his time but dove in after about 5 min of all 20 of us standing and watching, he handfulled it in while my wonderful friend Trayc snapped away capturing this wonderful moment. Silly boy! Happy Birthday my little one year old! Mommy and Daddy Love you SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!

LITTLE MAN IS 1!!!!

Oh my goodness!! Where did the time go??
MY LITTLE BOY IS ONE!!!!!! How is that possible!!?
Little man, you are my pride and joy, my sweet little guy. Your new thing this month... you shake your head no and YOU WALK! Stepping since 9 months you decided about a week ago to give up the crawling and walking is your new form of transportation. You are the greatest! what a great year it has been.

the start.. 5 hours old, welcome to our family.
photosbytrayc.ca

6 days old: seriously cute, we put you in a bowl, on a bass, so many creative little spots
photosbytrayc.ca



3 weeks old: our first family shoot, we have staring contests every day and conversations with our eyes.
photosbytrayc.ca



1 month old: I thought you were so big! but look you are still so tiny
photosbytrayc.ca



2 months old: super jack! you are growing so quickly!!
photosbytrayc.ca

3 months old: after a silly shoot you sleep. our little cherubim

photosbytrayc.ca

6 months old: today you start leaning how to crawl, this is a classic jack face.
michaelsteingard photography




7 months old: now you crawl like a pro and you are hilarious!
photosbytrayc.ca



9 months old: Autumn shoot with the Dupley Clan. It was a beautiful Day. You are a very happy baby and getting sillier and sillier every day.
photosbytrayc.ca




10 months old: Getting ready for Christmas and our Christmas Cards. You have such a gentle, sweet spirit.
photosbytrayc.ca



11 months old: Boxing Day, family with the Steingards. Again, our silly boy, soo much personality with this kid.
michael steingard photography


12 months old: Your 1st Birthday!!! what a joy you are to have in our life :)
photosbytrayc.ca

something along the horizon.

i woke up this morning to new things on the horizon. the light peeking up in what seems to have been a dark night for quite some time. Dusk... one of the most beautiful times of the day, GOOOOOOD MOORRRRRNIIIIIIINNNNGGGGG SUUUUUUNNNNN!!!! I welcome you, its on the rise, I look forward to beautiful sun shiny day.

creative process

its been almost a year now, wow no, almost 2 years my brain seems... stuck..
I am working on lots of commissions and able to create pieces existing collections but I am waiting.. waiting for the next, thing.. the next collection, the next step in my growth as an artist and in myself. but I guess it is all part of the process, something that God is doing in me, preparing in me getting ready to release me into the next step. but this is my creative process... Perhaps this is HIS creative process b/c he is doing something great in me.



RANDOM BREAK IN THOUGHT...



[I had a dream a few months back, all I see is my feet wearing new running shoes, jogging on the concrete. Luke's are right beside mine. We are happy, we are doing it together, and we aren't getting tired. We are not running away from anything, just running and enjoying it.. "To dream that you are running in a marathon, represents life's journey and how you are performing or feeling. It is symbolic of your endurance and willpower. " i love this, and it feels right. I don't know if we are running a marathon in the dream but we are running modivated, happy, running a great distance. It makes me wonder what is in store for us. for our little family.. for our life, our buisness ventures... Starting the company this year really got me modivated to do some things I have had dreams for. I have talked about this before, but my pot of dreams has been stirred again and I am building up the confidence not to run away but to jump forward, BOLDLY!! I am set up, the company is registerred, the bank accounts are in order, and my first cheque has come in!! I was so excited to put it in the bank. My first cheque as a buisness owner. I bless that (small) cheque to multiply. this is only the beginning. I bless our finances and loosen blessing over them. I bless my buisness to grow and grow and grow and produce an abundance of good fruit. We are running at a steady pace without getting tired. Sounds great! ]



our creative processes are different from each others. I don't usually sit on ideas, I see a picture and I paint it, or in a burst of inspiration and I draw out 5 canvases at 4am, or paint and paint and paint untill my heart can't anymore, you get the idea.. I am exhausted emotionally and physically after, but it's prayer for me, it's worship, its everything inside of me bursting out like vomit, fast, violent, splattering everywhere (then I can step back and take it all in, and see what I ate that day.. haha grosse) Results are often quite sponateous and finished in one session of painting, that can last as short 1 -3 hours or as long as 2 or 3 days or suddenly months of producing one after another, sometimes up to 20 or more pieces in a row... i produce quickly, but the process can take months stirring in my belly and in my heart. Choosing a canvas, prepping it, finding imagery the exact angles I want or photographing my ideas, cutting and pasting, drawing, or choosing paints, papers, pastels. the colours, or only seeing pieces of the painting.. waiting to see more, the textures, they have all been placed in my heart, stirring in my heart. I get vision, impressions, pictures, words, they all marinate and I spend the time in worship before I even know what I am painting, before God shows me the whole picture (and soemtimes I don't even know!! then.. I feel it, I just know, its time to paint!). my whole life and mind is consumed in the creative process.



A few months back God showed me a picture of a filing cabinet being filled at highspeed, I believe he was downloading pictures into my cabinet, filing them in my heart to pull out one by one for him to show me, share with me and bless others.



I have been having a hard time lately with the lack of production, WHY can't I paint for myself, WHY am I allowing things to get all bottled up in there? maybe I just need to remmber and know that it is just in the middle of a process and my impatience, my misunderstanding and frustration is teaching me a whole lot more than I know. For the first time in months I am getting gimps' of pictures and seeing my hands at work, there are no brushes, I am working with my hands, I am feeling, I am moving, I am connecting. This next piece/collection? I know will be different, I don't know how but it has to do with time, painting might not be in one session. I think this one is alot of time because it's all about reconnecting. Connecting again with myself, connecting physically with my hands to my painting, my art, my creativity and God.



RANDOM BREAK IN THOUGHT



[I am reminded of a word I was given when a woman was praying for me recently, or a picture I guess she saw. She saw that my "well" had been being dug for a long time, (YES ACCURATE!!! YEARS!) and that it's becuase it isn't a well, it is a resevoir, so long, and wide a deep. It has taken so long, b/c it is so vast. there was more to the word, I'm sure it will come to me later but I guess I am only remembering this part right now b/c digging my resevoir is apart of my process. part of my process with God and part of my process in myself, and my art. My art has felt like a dried up well... but maybe its not, maybe it has undergone 2 years of being dug, perhaps it is also a resevoir, creativity to be filled in abundance, overflowing, and God will use it to feed the thirsty, fill their bellies and their souls. ]

hmm i think thats good to end on. Jesus use me. fill my resevoir in your timing let it pour out over people with ease and grace.

this was our christmas card this year. OOOOOhhhh man. what a cutie. photo take by the onederful Trayc at photosbytrayc.ca

It has been a great year 2010. A complete change and challenge but wow, what a love. Our growing little family is so wonderful. Can hardly wait to add more little ones... (well maybe I can wait a little, heehee)

i want to grow...

i want to take pictures that take your breath away.
i want to learn how to play the guitar
i want to worship my ass off without limits
i want to paint with boldness
i want my spirit to dance again
i want to reconnect,
with myself,
with my art,
with my God....
i want to really know His love.
His goodness.
His grace.

i surrender. all of my dreams, every part of me.

Focus fear and Failure

motivation, focus, fear. STOP

what is wrong with this cycle.

it doesn't seem like it should be one but for me it goes round and round.

I get motivated, I paint, I research I write, I being to focus understand exactly what I want, set is all up to go for it them BAM. I Skye myself out I get scared, self conscious and I stop. It seems te next step the follows fear is a dead stop and into depression and beating myself up that i just won't be good enough. Time goes by and I get motivated again, but the whole cycle keeps going. So how do I break this? How do I move forward?

I think part of the problem is that as soon as I try something or want to try something, someone else does it before me and simultaneously and then deflated I just let it go like what's the point? I try to be strong, I try to trust that God has purpose and plans and that every door closes for a reason. But what about the ones that are wide open and i just don't have the balls to walk through myself. The ones That I let others walk through while i have been sitting on the stoop for ages.. allowing fear to keep me from taking the next step through.

I am terrified of failure. And I think I avoid opportunity that I know i will be great at b/c I'm afraid I might fail.

i can hear 'you are more than a conqueror' then reminded of a friends words ' hoods up glocks out' i must admit I had to look this up to know what it meant but it makes me smile - it is so fitting. We are more that conquers. I am ready to take it by storm. at least i want to believe I am. I want to be strong again. I'm so tired of this cycle, so tired of getting ready then backing down like a shamed dog. I'm tired of being intimidated, I'm tired of allowing others trample out my hope, my heart my visions and dreams. Each persons creativity is unique and special. God has purpose for mine. It's time i start believing that. I need to focus. remember what I want, what i love. and stop allowing myself to be stolen from. hoods up glocks out. I'm gearing up. It has been such a long season of preparation. they won't know what hit them.

hoods up, glocks out

"hoods up, glocks out... that's how i'm man handling this new year. kickin' ass and taking names."
well said yana....

Lets take it by storm.

just think'n about how great this little guy is..

First day back

well it is my first day back... i'm not really sure what to think of it. As I sit here writing this, I am staring out a massive wall of windows in the really beautiful office I work in, surrounded by a massive marble desk and friendly'esk faces. A job that has been really worked around what I would like. I have enjoyed smiling and helping people and doing simple stress free tasks, but still I am still sad.. I would rather be home with my babe, chasing around that silly little man full of giggles and smiles.

mommies that work full time, how do you do it?

My little part time job is even painful for me.

I haven't yet had a cry, he is with Grandma and Grandpa today, I know he is safe and having a silly time. Which I think will be an easier transition. I'm not sure if for me or him but it will be easier. but what about when he goes to someone less familar? This is a hard thought for me. What if he is scared, or feels abandon during nap time, his mommy not there to snuggle him when he cries?

ohhh I am killing myself here, I have to stop.

back to work... it's only 2 days a week, and a 3rd every other but it's still hard. I miss my little man.

Dream without Fear, Love without Limits