its been almost a year now, wow no, almost 2 years my brain seems... stuck..
I am working on lots of commissions and able to create pieces existing collections but I am waiting.. waiting for the next, thing.. the next collection, the next step in my growth as an artist and in myself. but I guess it is all part of the process, something that God is doing in me, preparing in me getting ready to release me into the next step. but this is my creative process... Perhaps this is HIS creative process b/c he is doing something great in me.
RANDOM BREAK IN THOUGHT...
[I had a dream a few months back, all I see is my feet wearing new running shoes, jogging on the concrete. Luke's are right beside mine. We are happy, we are doing it together, and we aren't getting tired. We are not running away from anything, just running and enjoying it.. "To dream that you are running in a marathon, represents life's journey and how you are performing or feeling. It is symbolic of your endurance and willpower. " i love this, and it feels right. I don't know if we are running a marathon in the dream but we are running modivated, happy, running a great distance. It makes me wonder what is in store for us. for our little family.. for our life, our buisness ventures... Starting the company this year really got me modivated to do some things I have had dreams for. I have talked about this before, but my pot of dreams has been stirred again and I am building up the confidence not to run away but to jump forward, BOLDLY!! I am set up, the company is registerred, the bank accounts are in order, and my first cheque has come in!! I was so excited to put it in the bank. My first cheque as a buisness owner. I bless that (small) cheque to multiply. this is only the beginning. I bless our finances and loosen blessing over them. I bless my buisness to grow and grow and grow and produce an abundance of good fruit. We are running at a steady pace without getting tired. Sounds great! ]
our creative processes are different from each others. I don't usually sit on ideas, I see a picture and I paint it, or in a burst of inspiration and I draw out 5 canvases at 4am, or paint and paint and paint untill my heart can't anymore, you get the idea.. I am exhausted emotionally and physically after, but it's prayer for me, it's worship, its everything inside of me bursting out like vomit, fast, violent, splattering everywhere (then I can step back and take it all in, and see what I ate that day.. haha grosse) Results are often quite sponateous and finished in one session of painting, that can last as short 1 -3 hours or as long as 2 or 3 days or suddenly months of producing one after another, sometimes up to 20 or more pieces in a row... i produce quickly, but the process can take months stirring in my belly and in my heart. Choosing a canvas, prepping it, finding imagery the exact angles I want or photographing my ideas, cutting and pasting, drawing, or choosing paints, papers, pastels. the colours, or only seeing pieces of the painting.. waiting to see more, the textures, they have all been placed in my heart, stirring in my heart. I get vision, impressions, pictures, words, they all marinate and I spend the time in worship before I even know what I am painting, before God shows me the whole picture (and soemtimes I don't even know!! then.. I feel it, I just know, its time to paint!). my whole life and mind is consumed in the creative process.
A few months back God showed me a picture of a filing cabinet being filled at highspeed, I believe he was downloading pictures into my cabinet, filing them in my heart to pull out one by one for him to show me, share with me and bless others.
I have been having a hard time lately with the lack of production, WHY can't I paint for myself, WHY am I allowing things to get all bottled up in there? maybe I just need to remmber and know that it is just in the middle of a process and my impatience, my misunderstanding and frustration is teaching me a whole lot more than I know. For the first time in months I am getting gimps' of pictures and seeing my hands at work, there are no brushes, I am working with my hands, I am feeling, I am moving, I am connecting. This next piece/collection? I know will be different, I don't know how but it has to do with time, painting might not be in one session. I think this one is alot of time because it's all about reconnecting. Connecting again with myself, connecting physically with my hands to my painting, my art, my creativity and God.
RANDOM BREAK IN THOUGHT
[I am reminded of a word I was given when a woman was praying for me recently, or a picture I guess she saw. She saw that my "well" had been being dug for a long time, (YES ACCURATE!!! YEARS!) and that it's becuase it isn't a well, it is a resevoir, so long, and wide a deep. It has taken so long, b/c it is so vast. there was more to the word, I'm sure it will come to me later but I guess I am only remembering this part right now b/c digging my resevoir is apart of my process. part of my process with God and part of my process in myself, and my art. My art has felt like a dried up well... but maybe its not, maybe it has undergone 2 years of being dug, perhaps it is also a resevoir, creativity to be filled in abundance, overflowing, and God will use it to feed the thirsty, fill their bellies and their souls. ]
hmm i think thats good to end on. Jesus use me. fill my resevoir in your timing let it pour out over people with ease and grace.