Thursday, September 29, 2011

beautiful increase

"day 47" the beautiful increase 72 x 48

I have been working on this painting for a few weeks now and it is finally finished. funny enough I knew it would be completed on this day.  day 47. Devin came home this day. we have a new addition to our family on this day,  my heart is alive. i am taking flight. I learned to trust this day.

Catch the Fire

I looove conference time, watching lives be changed forever, being filled, growing, God doing some really amazing things,  and it just lights a fire under you all over again. It also gives me some time away from little man and life and just rest in quietness with God. Painting doesn't have time restrictions or interruptions I can just get lost in it with Jesus, completely clear minded and think about nothing else. Which is so great b/c we have so much to talk about right now. 

 Along with A LOT more one of our topics of our conversations: giving. Specifically on both Luke and mine’s hearts, bless us, so we can bless others…. We have been going through a tough time lately, this month taken a real hit, and at the same time, being challenged by God to really follow our hearts to give and trust His provision. How on earth do you make that work? At the same time we have been feeling like it has to be a real significant amount to give or maybe it just doesn’t matter…but not having that big amount to give.. and funny enough having a stronger desire to help others than even myself, b/c as desperate as situations can be, there is always someone that has an even greater need. (it’s pretty complicated in this brain right now..) 

Something happened that broke me this weekend. On Saturday a woman that had been sharing her heart with me earlier in the day, a woman that obviously lived in amazing obedience and trust that God would take care of her (I always really admire people like this), that came to this conference on very little money just trusting in His amazing provision b/c she felt He told her to come, handed me a note while I was setting up to paint for the next session. I opened it up and a few coins fell out into my hand. My heart just broke, I knew she had so little.  I was quickly reminded of the woman that gave only a few pennies into the offering bucket b/c that‘s all she had to give, but she gave out of a giving heart. God pressed into my heart, no matter how little, it is all significant. Don’t be concerned with how it is possible, I am your provider.   Here this woman gave me the little she had. $1.11, in trust, b/c God told her to give it to me.… I want faith like that. 

Since we have been married, we have amazingly survived, off very little, and we never had a doubt that God wouldn’t provide. Why is it so easy now to fall into fear? On Saturday we had LOOOOOOONG talks and i am working though it. I painted 4 pieces on Saturday. I really just felt to stay and paint the whole time. So I sat at the front and painting nearly all day. Just pouring out my heart to him of everything that has been on my mind. With a wave of emotions from heartbreak to Joy, with worship and in intercession i painted and painted and painted and painted. It was a good day. I woke up on Monday with a whole new mind set, feeling good, secure, trusting, loved and just happy.

Here they are, 

‘Bless us’
24 x 36. Gallery canvas,
Newsprint (scripture), acrylic and oil pastel

‘So we can bless others” (not sure of the official title on this one yet.)
36 x 40. Gallery canvas
Newsprint (scripture), acrylic and oil pastel

‘DAY 44, Blessings’
20 x 40. Acrylic on Canvas

A woman came to me saying , this painting, its blessings!! Multiplying, coming down, they all look different in many ways, shapes and forms, they never look the same! I liked it, so it stuck.

‘Holy, Holy, Holy’ –Worshipping Hands
18x36  Canvas
Newsprint (scripture), acrylic and oil pastel

I’m pretty sure this one will get the paint over, it didn’t turn out like I hoped so If you want it let me know. I will give you a great deal… Like 50$ (so I can buy a new canvas instead)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

newest member of our clan

Since Etnie passed there seems to be a real gap in our hearts. Missing her, wanting Jack to grow up with a dog and continue and encourage his love for animals. I came across this little on yesterday on Kijiji and it was only hours later we were driving to Oshawa to meet her. I heard really clearly meeka in my head and in my heart, i looked it up and it is Japanese, it means 'Lord, Beautiful aroma, beautiful increase" Beautiful increase.... that just felt right. Meet Meeka, she is 8 weeks old, our new little baby.

Monday, September 26, 2011


isn't this fabulous? It isn't mine, I wish I could say it was and I also wish I could remember the artists name. dang. credit where credit is due, when I find it I will post it. I just love the combination of visual texture, vibrancy yet still soft and peaceful. Ah! Just stunning. bravo.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Circles and Squares...

for kate, 20 x 40
I got the opportunity to paint with a friend this past week, Trayc Dudgeon, something we have only done a few times before but is always interesting to see what comes about. Circles and Squares... 2 completely different styles forced to come together to create one piece. I originally came across the Concept a few years with a friend and fellow artist Elisabeth Heidinga during a conference - live painting. We challenged ourselves and felt really strongly that we were suppose to work together on the same painting. Some amazing things happened that day and we kinda shocked the church, 2 artist - known as such an individual craft, sharing a canvas, working together. It was a huge message about unity in the church and how God designed us to work as a body and not individuals. Since then I have a great time doing collaborations with other artists. It is such a unique experience. And really amazing freedom to paint and not feel threatened or competition but only as success if you surrender and work together in Unity. On Thursday,Tray and I  paintied into the night, had a great time talking,  catching up, drinking wine and painting and created these 2 pieces for 2 special friends and their 30th Birthdays! Girls I hope it was incredibly special, you both are very wonderful.

For Lindsay, 20 x 40
and by accident they fit together.... now if that doesn't say a whooole lot about using our creativity and how God wants to use us together... I don't know what does.. that is kinda rad. "Day 36"  20 x 80

jack is helping me paint the really big one I am working on now.

His creativity has no limits.

So... here is it 41  days later, i am still painting.. i had a slight pause there but it's back.  My colour pallat has changed again but it is vibrant. Something about this all coming out. it amazing to me the pallat changes over the years. Oranges with the jazz series in to blues and moody beiges and browns, but now reds and yellows and purple and green! I am excited for the vibrancy coming out of me. new life, new beginnings, new  something, over flowing, exploding out of me.  my work is so much about the process of my heart, my mind, my spiritual journey i'm excited to see what this is all maturing into.  I still feel to paint, paint paint paint, paint vomit... let it all out and then look at it and see what you ate for breakfast. (lol grosse) but my point its fast, its flows, it comes out violently, and i just need to get it all out to feel better. My studio is quickly filling and it is wonderful to see life overflowing out of me again..

“well you pick me up and you spun me around and you set my feet on solid ground - Hallelujah! – B/c you’re so good, your soo sooo good”  I have had this stuck in my head for about 3 days. And along with it has come painting! Ahhhh. i really do love painting. I finished up the last (for now) red painting, 'day 23', and continued in the same style and ventured into a new pallat. i get glimpses of what this is all about but i have yet to have the revelation of what it all means. I believe every stroke, every colour, the placement, the movement,  he can speak to you about. And there millions in every painting so how exciting is that, that's a whooole lot of talking and learning and growing.  I am stopping myself from evaluating. from thinking if it is good or not. I have been learning (and it has been an ongoing battle)  that my value is not determined by my work, or # of sales i have. It is my heart. and really that's all that matters.Though I'm still waiting on the big revelation but i get bits and pieces.  A little bit about babies, the womb, intercession, getting down to the beginning, the cellular structure, the basis, trust, rapid multiplication of cells in new life, umm a whole lot of stuff that is connected but not connected, but I assume will come together, but it has led me to a place of hope. Where things are taking off, in flight, there is some kind of release, a new season.

You know as artist we easily get caught up in the "is it good enough?" the thing is, It is not about being good - it is about self. it's about your heart. It is about growth. It is about being true to your heart and letting every part of you flow out in whatever medium it wants to. so it doesn't matter if its good. Just let it go and be secure in you as an artist and let go. Create without judging your self,without fear. Create for healing, for spending time with God, for just expressing the beautiful person that YOU ARE!  I am inspired, I am motivated. I want to create. The past couple years I have been collecting. Books, materials, canvases, different mediums, papers, scratch boards, and printmaking, encaustics, a potters-wheel, clay, photography equipment. It has all been stirring in me to create, but just brewing without action. His creativity is limitless and I think that He wants us to create limitlessly (is that a word? ) so ours should be too! This has been a pretty big internal battle for some time for me.. I have been holding myself back for wayyy to long from doing some things that I absolutely love.

Again there  is so much happening, our situation hasn’t changed but my mindset has this week. We will live. Life will move on and I just have to remember that God is in control.

"DAY 23"24 X 48

In this piece I noticed the changing of shapes, less round and becoming more oval, like wings, fluttering, and the next picture I saw that caused me to pull out a canvas I have been sitting on for a while. A 72” x 48” gallery canvas. I love it. (I would paint this big every time if I had the space to store them.) I began to paint washes and washes and washed, over and over colours layered, I am still going, and I am loving it. I miss painting this big!!! It is about freedom. In that trust, taking flight.  I will post it when it’s done but it is still in progress in painting and in my heart.

replace fear with curiosity

I found this picture and i absolutely love it. it kind of enbodies all of me right now.. You may or may not have known that I am a complete fanatic about photography. viewing GREAT photography feeds me, it somehow just pours into my spirit in a way that somehow not even painting does.  I would fill my walls with stunning photos that take your breath away. I have already started my collection with a stunning photo by Samantha McAndrews a great Barrie photographer, and a few beautiful orchid pieces i have loved for many years by Trayc Dudgeon, a brampton based Photographer.  I cannot wait to continue piecing works together to hang. I envision a wall in my house combined with art and photography and special pieces all over the house. You know I have been selling for a while but I just love art and photography so much I really want to start collecting more of others work. There is something so unique about original art, special, something that you can never replicated and the combination of great photography with original paintings, ahh it just makes my heart sing!

So how does this all to in to replacing fear with curiosity...? Well i finally decided to put away my fear and explore with curiosity and let my heart FREAK'N SING! Since High school I have been incredibly drawn to photography and a strong desire to make photos! Something has been holding me back. Afraid to step on feet, offend people, fear of the equipment, not enough knowledge, etc etc. its been about 15 years.. and  a million reason that I have told myself why I can't. Cautiously I dawdled in helping in some weddings, and did some fun shoots of my own but really didn't get in there. But as a creative person ad locking down even one part of your heart that wants to express itself is self destructive!!  and wanting to explore ALL of my creativity, it is killing me that I have been holding back for so long. So with the encouragement of many wonderful friends and family I picked up my SLR I bought 2.5 years ago and have never learned to completely use properly, and enrolled in a photography class at Sheridan College, part of the photography program there. 2 classes in and I am so excited!!!  I have learned SO much already and actually challenging myself to explore and be curious!!

So i guess this is to all of you that just are making up SO many excuses as to why you aren't trying something you love. Just pick it up and try! what have you got to loose? You are only stopping yourself from growing and learning and expressing your heart and having some great conversations with God! He has SOOO much that He wants to show you and create with you. So Replace your fear of the Unknown with Curiosity and Take off in Flight! 

Art in the Junction

Well it is that time of the year again. The Junction. A GREAT little creative community in Toronto that i love to be apart of and show in each year. Unfortunately this year Junction Arts Festival was canceled, but a local shop owner that I have come to know over the years allowed me to come put up the new series anyways. Last weekend I headed out and brought over my work to hang in this funky little space. If you are in the area, go for a walk have a latte and crema coffee and stop by! The Hair Lounge, The Junction, Toronto.

Friday, September 16, 2011

back to painting.

so after some real crap lately, i decided to pick myself back up and dust off and continue on. Painting.. Man there really is something about this that is really healing for me. Last night a friend of mine came over and we just chilled out with some wine and paint and painted and painted and painted. Pics to post soon. Funny that just putting some paint on a canvas can just make all the difference in the world. Some kind of release that just sets me free. so there is much more to post, 3 new pieces and 1 more almost completed, i am excited to see it's progress coming along and can't wait to see it upon completion! So here i continue on my little journey. life, spirituality, wholeness, growth. and entering a new season of freedom and learning to fly. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

ok so my last post wasn't very uplifting.. I think I am just going through a time of being... pooped' on. Life is kind of upside down. I will choose to see the silver lining. but just needing some life to come forward and burst out of these situations so that i know it's not going to continue raining.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Sunday, September 11, 2011

have you ever had a week or month, or season you wish would just Stop? ... you know the kind that are upside down that when you have been kicked to the ground and then get trampled by the stampede of elephants?... the kind that starts with a sick child, sick husband, broken camera, followed by poo and barf all over the house, being ripped off, hurt yourself every chance you can, v8 on the floor by a swatting toddler, spaghetti sauce on the walls, 2 dead pets, a hit and run, financially drowning, busy, exhausting, deflating, defeated, filled with disappointments,  GOD WHERE ARE YOU week?

i'm having one of those....