a conversation without words...: my heart is shaken and my hands can't stop paintin'

i have written so many posts these pasts few weeks, but unable to continue a full thought or maybe too personal to post. My heart aching, from a prayer I prayed 'show me your heart' but then flooded with an intense amount of emotion for almost every situation I encountered. Up for entire nights, crying and praying for families or situations and eventually being unable to deal and trying to express, and being overwhelmed that I became emotionally constipated, all just stuck inside of me brewing.. Trying to talk to God, paint, do anything to talk, but i just continued to be more and more bunged' up..

Craziness filled my lives with STUFF. family stuff, friends stuff, work stuff, health issues and scary situations swarming in my brain and in my heart and then one day without expectation, it came to sudden hault. On Aug 11, 8:30 am a call that changed our lives. he was here.. the tiniest more perfect little guy. My nephew Devin Joshua was born at 29.5 weeks gestation in the NICU, just 3lbs 4oz. I won't share all of the scary heart-wrenching details that changed me. but here I stood broken. afraid. desperate. nothing else mattered other that asking Jesus to to intervene. to save the life of this little one.

So bottled up, alone and Jack sleeping I began to paint. Paint from my heart paint in worship. paint in prayer, in intercession. Broken, I just began to baul my eyes out and just pour out everything onto this canvas. . All that stirring came started to finally spill over. as the tears poured so did heart and my brush didn't stop moving. my entire being became a dance of an interceding warrior, dancing with angels, to fight for this little guys life. Strange shapes emerging, a new colour pallet, still insure what any of it meant i didn't care I kept painting. my brain began to sort thoughts, make sense of things, i continued to paint, canvases are filling my studio and here I am 11 days later, and I am still painting. my heart is shaken, my hands can't stop painting. little Devin is getting bigger, growing stronger, he is such a miracle, he is breathing on his own, off the iv, nearly back to his birthweight, blowing everyone away with his progress. He has such divine purpose and calling on his life. Ah. what amazing words have been spoken over him. God is showing me incredible pictures of the 2 of them, that I can't wait to paint. I thank God he is alive and grateful for everything.

So here we start a new unexpected series... August 11