Monday, February 9, 2015

One of those days.

Today is one of those days, those morning that have left you feeling beat at 9:20 am.  The kind that after a rough nights sleep (and the past month or 2 of barely sleeping at all),  wakes you up with "Mommmyyyyyy IIIIIIII POOOOOOOO" Coming from your potty-trained 2 year old's room. You stumble out of bed knowing that just-in-case pull up is about to be torn off and flung like a vengeance across the room. You open the door to emerge to foul stench filling your nasal cavities. Nothing like hot ass in the morning. You try not to be irritated, you try to be patient but she has already removed said pull up and is wandering around with sticky peanut butter poo all over her bum as she wants to try to help find wipes to clean up. All you can do is look at all the pretty clean pink around her room and think without freaking out OMG DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!! You quietly wrangle her up and try to keep your shit together, put on your calm, patient mommy face and clean up the mess but inside your kind of stirring. I hate waking up to poo. you tell yourself don't be irritated, she didn't do anything, Don't let this start your morning.

You quietly clean up and get your adorably sweet, but loud 2 year old past her 5 year old brothers room without waking him b/c he is much like my without enough sleep... an absolute bear. You get down stairs throw an eggo in the toaster, go to pour a coffee, maybe just MAYBE you will get to sit down and drink it quietly before mr 5 year old wakes up. You walk to the fridge to get cream for your coffee but, NO CREAM. uggghhhh milk sludge coffee it is. grosse. its almost not even worth drinking. but you need it. your body craves it and hopes it will bring life to your exhausted mind and sore 6 month pregnant body.

And there it is, its too late, the adorable high pitched talking of your 2 year old has caused the waking of the bear. She says GOOD MORNING! all chipper and cute to him but he grumps down the stairs to the couch. You try to intervene with your welcoming arms hoping to help him change his grump. As grumpy as he can be he is still a cuddly bear. I try to get him out of his mood while trying to get out of my own.  The morning carries on slowly  in a series of random unorganized events. i am trying to get in a good schedule but it is really hard for me especially when you yourself are not a morning person.. we slowly eat our breakfast which the 1 year old dog not only once or twice but three times scarfs kids breakfasts when they glance or walk a way for a minute. BAD DOG. It seems on the days where I am irritated the most the Dog needs to add to it and be a complete jerk so that I can blow my top and throw him out. After a fight about pants We slowly get our clothes on, but are successfully out the door by 8:45am (unheard of! Feeling a tad of success and improvement I later realize I forgot to ask if anyone was still hungry OOPS, never brushed our teeth or washed faces NICE MOM) to be welcomed by our ice covered van. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh I mean thick ice. I put the kids in and start. It takes every ounce of exhausted energy i have to try to even break through this ice. i'm cold. I'm 6 mos pregnant. My body aches and its hard to stand in the icy snow (my hips are a mess this time round) 15 minutes later I am now late for school with 1/2 my car scraped. I give up. I can hear yelling coming from inside the van and I feel defeated. I don't want to loose it. It takes everything I have to not freak out for no reason but kids aren't dumb, they know I'm tense. I just want to get back home. Get out of these uncomfortable pants and back in my jammies. All of this for 30 seconds of driving up the street to drop off my 5 year old at school. I get in the car and start driving with my one side of the van scraped the other with dinner plate size ice clearing on each window, just enough to see out a little bit. uggghhh.  pathetic. I think I will be judged by bitchy school moms or neighbours that have too much of an opinion. but I'm exhausted and I'm fairly certain if anyone said anything i might just tell them where they can stick it. I look forward to when its warm again. When we can have our enjoyable sunny morning walk and start the day right. I look forward to not hurting, not being irritated, not peeing every 5 seconds, feeling like a baby is going to fall out of your chooch. my body hates being pregnant. HA!

So here I am. I went to find my make up to just try to feel a bit more human but it was frozen in the car. After some defrosting, I put on mascara and sprayed some perfume. Lets get out of this, lets get some modivation to start the day. I look around the house, every thing is chaos. The mountain of dishes and laundry is overwhelming me. Every inch of the house is a mess. 

I really do, to be the best mommy I can be, but I am just so tired.

As I'm writing this i'm beginning to wake up, feel a little better. My 2 year old is starting her routine of changing 1 million time into everything she owns, and sits in front of me behind the computer just out of site with a pump bottle of cream that she has covered herself in. Oh Jesus Help me.

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