Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Love love love

I staring at this little sweet boy and all I can think about is love love love.
How lucky am I to have such a wonderful son.

I asked God to talk to me about mommyhood and being a parent and for Him to show me so much about Him through my little Jack. I would give anything for this little one. I stare at him when he sleeps and laugh and play all day long (it was tough to get the hang of all of this but) I enjoy him so much. I want to talk with him, hold him and have conversations and know since the day he was born. Even during a long nap, I miss spending time with him (don't get me wrong I am like any other mom and need me time but,) I want to be his favourite place. When he looks at me He looks at me with such adoration, i can't help but melt, I am his mommy and he knows that. I am his most favourite place, me and dad are his most favourite people and he feels safe with us and just wants to be with us all the time. I realize all these things are true about our God and more. He wants to be our safe and most favourite place. He wants to play with us, hold us, comfort and enjoy us. I love this. I think becoming a mommy I am learning more about the heart of who our papa is. And if I can love Jack as much as i do I can't even imagine how much God loves me.

Just since Saturday and blogging about it yesterday, addressing my fears, my axiety about my identity I feel better, I feel different. I feel more complete, happier, and open. Open to new things Papa wants to show me. Open to trusting, knowing he is in controll and excited to learn. Even blogging 2 days in a row after almost an entire year, I need this. I need to talk it out, write it out, understand my heart and mind in words in front of me, not only in paint.

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