dancing in the rain.

Every morning i wake up to the baby talking to himself in bed, this is the sign, time to wake up mom, I am hungry! as I drag myself out of bed still half asleep, my mouth is dry, my tummy aches and my brain screams for coffee. I walk into his room half asleep I stick my head in the crib and no matter how tired I am I can't help but instantly smile. My little guy all smiles soo happy to see his mommy. I pick him up and we snuggle. I can't help but sneak him back into our bed for a little extra sleep, yes i know bad habit but it gets me and extra 1/2 hour - hour sleep and i love my sleep. I nurse him the lazy laying down way, and we both fall back asleep to be woken up at 9am being kicked.. BAH! he yells, as to say wake up mom it's time to play!!!! I roll over again to see that smiley little face. Since he was born we have been having conversations with our eyes. We could stare at each other for hours. Now this exchange is with our eyes and includes baby babble and wandering little hands that hold my face and hands as he stares into my eyes with adoration. Many aahh-boo's later we make our way out of bed, and head downstairs.

This morning I hear the song "what does it sound like" from my new bethel cd. the words, this is what it looks like when heaven comes down. Ah father, come into this day, i love your presence.

I grab a coffee, make myself some eggs as Jack is in the playpen all consumed by his toys. I am soon forgetting how hard this used to be. Even though most mornings are slow to start and I still don't always get a shower, I am now loving every day. i think of the first 2 months of jack's life, man he was hard. most days I found myself in tears, feeling overwhelmed, helpless, hopeless with the crying, all my efforts felt wasted and I often felt hated by my own baby. Having a baby that cries is tough. I think entering into the motherhood club is probably the most difficult thing i have ever done in my life. Its as if the first 3 months of newborn'ism' are initiation, after this part anything would feel like smooth sailing. But there are so many things that you learn and learn quickly b/c you have to, otherwise you might loose your mind. Of course not every new baby is difficult but mine was and even though it was horrible at the time, maybe it was good for me. I got through one, I will be able to get through another and maybe the next won't be so hard, but if they are, I 'll know what to do. It's funny at the time it feels like forever, 3 minutes of crying feels like hours, but when it stops and the storm clears you forget so fast how hard it was raining. I am learning. God continues to show me things and teach me about patience and love. Now when he cries, or has a tough time (like recent teething!) I find myself feeling more confident as a mother and God is teaching me how to dance in the rain.

Thanks papa for clear skies but also, thankyou for the rain, as it helps us to grow and our roots to go deeper.