last night our little guy had suuch a rough night, he has been having the nasty sinus thing for a while and just when I thought it was getting better BAM he gets slammed with it all over again, can't breathe, can't sleep, he is restless and tired. Last night he went to bed with no problems, after a rough weekend I was hoping that he would rest easy and i could have a full nights sleep. But 12:45am he awoke, startled, upset, crying, having trouble breathing I go to him and comfort him, rub his tummy, feed him, rock him and after 45 min of crying harder and harder he finally settles fast asleep in my arms. Now you have to understand this is highly unusual with Jack, if he ever wakes up it is for 2 seconds only to find the soother and fall fast asleep again. For him to take this long to settle there must be something wrong. I lay him down and head back to my room, back into sleepy land for me.
3:30am we wake again, I can hear him wimpering, babbling, cry 'momma' now i don't know if he knows what momma is yet but he does say it when he cries at night or when he's upset. My husband goes in to settle him, after 30 minutes he is still crying, I go into the room to see if there is anything i can do, I have a thought, turn the worship music back on, I enter the room and see Luke, rocking his baby back and forth, talking to him, loving him to pieces. Knowing he would stay there all night and just hold and love his little guy I tell him i'll take the baby b/c he has to go to work in the morning and who knows how long this will go on for. I take Jack he cries and squirms, I speak to him in a soothing voice, I rock him and tell him I am here and that I know he is hurting but it will be ok, I tell him I love him and that I want to make it better. I hold him and kiss him, I just love him. After another 30 minutes or so He calms down and just rests in my arms, I decide to set up camp on the floor of the nursery, i grab a pillow and a blanket and I fall asleep holding him, telling him I love you, I love you, I love you. He snuggles up and sleeps the rest of the night.
Funny I asked God when getting pregnant to teach me about things along the way, about being a parent and paralleling them with the heart of Who God is. He told me he was going to teach me about love. That's exactly what I'm learning. Love love love. Last night as held my little one I would do anything I could to make it go away. I cried as he cried in agony, upset, his little face, tears pouring, no matter what I did, there was no response, he couldn't hear me, he could only focus on his pain. His little face all scrunched up sobbing, it made me cry and broke my heart. But when he finally heard me he began to listen, settle and rest. I saw that when we are hurt or upset, we may not know who or what God is but cry out papa, we kick and scream, we cry in pain not knowing he is there. It breaks his heart as all the while he is holding us, trying to comfort us but we are too worked up to listen or feel Him. Finally, we start to settle and are able to hear his soothing voice and loving arms holding us, comforting us and loving us through it all. In that we are able to find peace and rest in his arms.
Like Jack who knows his momma and daddy and will rest and find comfort in our arms. We need to just rest in Papa's arms, to give up our pain and allow ourselves to just be loved.