what love

so jack is 6 months old now (I can hardly believe it!) and we have started solids. Well solids is an interesting way of putting it, really it is more like sticky gooey rice cereal stuff that isn't really that solid. It has been fun and hilarious teaching how to eat, he loves to grab the spoon and whip the stuff across the room, he is crazy over a sippy cup and loves to mash his hands into the cereal then smear them all over himself and anything around him.

I know this sounds silly but there almost seems to be a switch in my mind go off realizing that I completely responsible for this little guy. Through rice cereal I realize that I need to feed him! (weird that i am realizing this now...) Up untill now if he is hungry he goes on the boob. No big deal, the kid is done in 10 minutes and off we go. It has become so normal that i don't even think about it. But life is about to change.. Having a baby is living a life of constant change but wow. I need to prepare a meal for this little guy, a meal that is healthy and good for him, and i need to teach him how to eat and I need to feed it to him. I know I know this sounds rediculous like shoudn't I have realized this a looong time ago but it just kinda hit me. Then the more I thought about it and saw a "food" schedule laid out in front of me, I realized that soon we will be cutting out boob feeding and one day there will be none at all. This made me so sad. I have never thought of feedings before as something that i like, in my mind they were just necessary, but at the thought of them not happening I realized that I love it, and I will miss it. I will miss the closeness, the cuddles, the quiet moments, the snuggling, the way he pats me and looks up at me when feeding. He is such a wonderful little guy. Every month I go through his clothes and go through the ones that don't fit, I pack them away in boxes for the next little one, I know he is growing up but I think going on to "real food" i see that he really is growing up. My little baby.
oh man how am I gonna be 5, 10 or 20 years from now. When he walks down the isle to marry the woman he loves or leaves for university. I think i will still try to snuggle him in my arms even then, This little guy has rocked my heart in a way I didn't even know existed. what love.