Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Well as quickly as I am frustrated i am a happy momma again (i sound a bit crazy I think...) Funny how just one afternoon out of the house can change my whole person. Luke's parents are away so this means I GET A CAR!! ohhhhhhh HAAAALELUUUIAH!!! You have no idea how nice this is for me. To be able to leave if I need to rather than be trapped in this house all day. All my sadness turns happy as i drive through the gorgeous fall leaves in a whirlwind surrounding me. It gave me a chance to just breathe. Rethink, gather myself together and just catch a breath in my feelings of hostility, anxiety and hopelessness. Jack was happy to be out too. As stir crazy as I go, he must get sick of looking at the same thing, the same toys, the same songs and games too. We went to WAL-MART! Yes very exciting, but i watched him, man i am lucky. I really do have a little man happy as a bug, he smiles at everyone that goes by, rides the stroller like it's a horse, slapping the side as if to make it go faster. He loves to touch everything, arms leaned faaaaar out trying to catch the clothing and colourful packages and toys as he goes past. He yells, baaaabbaaaaaa, daaaaddaaaaaaa, mmmmmaaaaaamaaaaa down empty isles. He brings a smile to my face. This kid is the best. He has had a snotty nose like crazy for the past 2 days and I think this is part of what has been making him miserable, but through it, he still tries to be happy. and i have been missing just that... I did some reading on ear infections, and the more I read, the more i am convinced. So were are flushing them out right now, trying to clear them up so the dr can see in them. But this would explain the grumpiness, not sleeping well, hating to go to sleep or lie down in general, the hitting his ears, not eating well or nursing. Poor guy. my frustration has gotten to me and I forgot how to be compassionate. Well.. Mommy is back. and mommy feels better. at least for now. I just sat and thought for a minute about what i had written earlier, needing to surrender so that i can recieve and trust what God has for me, that it is training for the next step, for something bigger. Maybe I needed to be broken so I could get past it and get strong, with His power, not my own.