White Flag waving..

Lately mommyhood has been hard. It feels like the newborn stage all over again but with a louder, more demanding cry. I feel like the kid in the movie "wanted" where he is punched in the face repetitvely to break him, so that he surrenders his own will and trusts in the ways of the 'the fraternity' in preperation of whats to come. (i'm sure there is something very significant in this)

9 months old and I have the happiest little monkey around. He is hilarious, he is the cutest freak'n little guy ever. I cannot resist his smiles and silly giggles, the way he crawls to me saying mamma Or how he explores everything! He is a serious curious george. I am so proud and love him so much. He is sooo stink'n ticklish it's hilarious. He is smart, I mean so smart it's scary and everyone's best friend, a little charmer, makes everyone smile and laugh and tells me what a wonderful baby he is. And don't get me wrong he is 90% of the time, but as high as his highs are, his lows are low. He is a very vocal baby.. he can scream out anyone and it leaves me unsure of what to do... Once he starts up, I can't stop him. He is he strong, he can squirm his way out of any hold in a fit, making it impossible to settle him and just hold him close. This has been my life for the past few weeks, fighting with a baby usually around 3pm, screaming his brains out. The dr thinks his recent waking in the night has to do with food/hunger and a possible ear infection, o we started to feel him alot more during the day and the past 2 nights he actually slept through. This is a start but I am exhausted, even though it's only 1 hour or so of the day. It takes everything from me. I am beat up. I feel like I am trying to be broken.

I surrender.

I'm not sure to who or what but i just surrender. All my efforts can feel wasted, I am a stressed out mess most days rounding 3/4pm i just want to hide in my room with the covers over my head and cry. This got hard again. I don't feel strong. Within minutes I just have to walk away. I get frustrated, I give up, I cry.

"Heather you are more than a conquerer" I don't feel it. Not lately, not ever. I am trying to manage with joy but instead feel overwhelmed and hopeless.

Mommies any advice on how to cope, how to get through even the hardest days or seasons?