The past week has been such a crazy one, it feels like the 2nd half of pregnancy just whizzes by. I can't believe I'm nearly 23 weeks! Where as the last month gone!?
The past few days I have been wanting a new start. Fresh, spring hopefully approaching, (common willy! we right this time!!) Preparation for my little one, knowing we are staying in our house for a bit gives me the new desire and jump to paint the walls fresh, organize and dump the junk! I seem to go through this every year. A big cleansing of the house and my mind and my heart. I want to get organized, live organized and prepared. Fresh paint throughout that is CLEAN and BRIGHT! some new rooms will be under contruction soon for all of us which Luke will be building very soon. My brain is busy at work preparing them, putting details together and not knowing what or who little miss or mr has put a bit of curiosity and caution into designing the nursery. Its interesting to try to plan a beautiful room for a boy or girl.. Luke is almost done his MBA. 3 weeks of his LAST class and about 7 weeks of his thesis. He has been working so hard the past 2 years and now it is finally coming to a close. It really is the start of a new chapter.
I am feeling more optimistic this morning. just feeling so strong in everything in me shouting, FRESH START. Luke feels the same way, he said he would like to take a shovel to our house, throw it all out and start again. The house feels so cluttered and messy. I need to get this under control. When I try to pinpoint just one area of the house, I can't seem to, it feels like every area needs a big clean up! The art studio is a DISASTER. I have to say at this point I almost feel ready to throw it all out or give it all away. I have no space. Clutter and disorganization really messes with my head. Mind you I'm not the tidiest person, I wish I was but I get tired and lazy and often don't put things in the right places, forget where I leave most things and leave piles that i have been working on all over the place. It drives my husband crazy, and myself too really, I'm not sure why I can't just PUT THINGS AWAY. I like to collect things that I see can be something or used for something. I like to turn them to something new. I have a hard time throwing things out. Luke says I have a tad bit tendency of hoarder in there. I deny it of course but when I begin to see things build up without a place or ongoing piles I can't help but wonder.. eep... I can make up excuses but really when it comes down to it I just need to throw things away. Today I got rid of a garbage bag of clothes. A bag on hand-me-downs of maternity clothes that were mostly s and xs they didn't fit so I past them along. It felt good. Get the junk out! This week I put all my clothes away. I know sounds funny but I am the one with the heap of clothes so high I often can't get to my bed easily (i feel like i have written this post before). Luke's side is perfect looking, mine is insanity. I took out all the ones that don't fit and put them away in a chest until baby is here, then I can switch them all back over again. next will be the stack and I mean stack maybe 30" tall on my bedside table, of books! i don't know how I collect so many there but I do... and magazines that collect beside, under and all around my bed... i need to just TOSS. I have just decided I'm going up with a big garbage bag and cleaning out the crap.
Funny though usually during these times I get major parallels in my own life that need clean up, so perhaps God starts to talk to me about them then. The past 6 months to a year around the house we have been patching things up. I think of the floors, the back splash, preparing the walls, some unfinished projects. It has also been a season away from Church and even friends. Perhaps its been a season of quiet healing, preparation. and all this time while we patched sanded and smoothed the walls, all they wait for is paint. I see more nails popping, more holes that need to be fixed, maybe its time for a big once over and see what else needs to be done before i repaint. I'm tired of the cover up and want perfect walls in my own life.. Just like my home, its time to see what I knew my life was inteded to be and step up and make it happen... Yes this is a season of mommihood, resting and growing, raising my babies but in my identity, myself, my heart, with Jesus, step into who he has really made me to be rather than living with patchy covered up walls.
I recently bought the new bethel cd the loft sessions and i have pretty much been absorbing and marinating in it and His presence since I bought it. I have actually been motivated to go to church and seek out more of him. To listen, to absorb, to take it all in. I am noticing a difference.
My mom recently talked to me about finishing projects you alway intended to do or just finish what you started and maybe then God releases something new. I have all these ideas swarming in my heart and mind over the years and for whatever reason never get carried out. I think its time. I feel good today. I think its time to start cleaning up and ready for our new chapter and fresh start.
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